a lack of color

Perhaps it's the down-turn in the weather in the past few days, the promise of snow in tonight's forecast or what happened at work this week, but something has turned me pretty blah. Pretty uninspired, pretty tired, pretty much everything but excited for life.

Unfortunately, these are feelings in the real world that are far from uncommon, so I've found in the months since I graduated from college. Life is hard, life is expensive and sometimes life isn't all sunshine and roses.

I work really hard to remember all of the amazing parts of my life that make me happy when I start feeling this way. I have made some amazing friends in the past year, my friendships with others have only grown stronger, I have a great job, a wonderful apartment with the person I love, I have my health and my sanity (for the most part). My family is healthy and happy. Life isn't all that bad.

But then things start piling up. I pay another installment on my 10-year loan repayment plan. I pay bills. I feel neglected when I haven't heard from someone. I feel forgotten in some ways. A small tiff with my family turns into this overwhelming feeling to just...cry.

The news lately has been nothing short of depressing. Japan's earthquake and subsequent tsunami. An 11-year-old girl was raped by 18 men, and then was basically told she deserved it. It doesn't leave me feeling with a sense of hope.

Maybe it's because it's been a long winter. Maybe I need a little less of this:
And a little more of this:
Maybe what I need is a good yoga class to forget about everything for just a little while. Maybe what I need is to cry. 

Maybe what I need is to run away from everything.

But we all know running away doesn't solve anything. It makes things worse. So maybe what I need to do is suck it up, address everything as it is, and move forward. Because really, is there anything else I can do?

And so this isn't completely a depressing post, here's our real family portrait:

this makes me incredibly happy :)

1 comment:

  1. That last picture of your little family is precious.

    Alex, we all feel this way sometimes. My advice (not that you asked for it) is to just allow yourself to feel it for a while. Give it 24 hours. Wallow in self pity. Cry. Eat a lot of bad-for-you-but-delicious-shit. Donate 10 dollars to Japan efforts, if that's all you can afford right now.

    But then be done with it. I know it's not like you to be so down, but it IS human. Feel it, and then let it go.


Oh, herro there.

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