why i'm running the 2014 boston marathon

this post could have been alternately titled "why i'm not letting those fuckers scare me off." but, you know, i wanted to keep the title of this as pg as possible.

i've had this post in my drafts for a few months now. it really started after i received my acceptance into the 2014 boston marathon.
the big question since the dust settled with this year's marathon has been: so are you going to run again? for a long while afterward, i said no. i said no no no, i want to focus on getting married. no no no, i've asked too much of my family already with the 2013 marathon. no no no, running 20 miles in march was terrible.

but then i stopped lying to myself. i stopped pretending. i'll be honest with you all. there's a big hole in my heart, and it hasn't gone away. there's an overwhelming sense of disappointment in myself, and it hasn't gotten any better. sitting here and trying to pretend that i'd be ok with not running next year was just eating me up.

so i stopped. and i admitted: yes yes yes a thousand times yes i need to run the 2014 boston marathon. and when the opportunity presented itself to allow the 5,633 runners who couldn't cross the finish line to run in next year's marathon, i said yes yes yes take all of my money just let me do this, i need to do this.

a lot of people have asked me if i'm scared to run, and at first i thought this was an absurd question. why would i be scared to run? running is what i do. i'm a runner. but then i realized exactly what this question was asking. am i scared to be running the boston marathon. the marathon that was the target of a deadly attack. and i could see how that could scare some people off. what if this turns into a fad? what if someone else truly hates this country so much that they'd target the marathon? but it's important to remember that the two men accused of this attack were not specifically targeting the boston marathon. they reportedly were angry, and happened to finish their homemade bombs earlier than expected and decided marathon monday would be a fine day to set them off.

every time we head into a large crowd of people, we put ourselves at risk. but that shouldn't put fear in our hearts. so i will run. i will run because it's what i'm meant to do, and it's what i want to do. so i'm not letting those fuckers scare me off. boston is my city. the marathon is my race. and i will run it. i don't expect to see family and friends at the finish line. i understand. but for me, crossing the finish line in 2014 will signify a lot personally. that i did it. that i pushed myself. that i succeeded. and that i didn't let a bunch of cowards tell me what to do.

so there. my long-winded reasoning on why i'm running another marathon even after i said i would never run another marathon again.

things i learned from this: never ever say never. because then you might find yourself running 20 miles in march for the second year in a row.

15 comments:

  1. I'll be the redhead cheering my head off for you at cleveland circle ;)

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    1. I'll be keeping my eye out for you!

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  2. I'm glad you decided to do it. My husband has run Boston five times. We love the city, the race, and all of the festivities that go along with the Marathon and Patriots' Day. After what happened last year, my husband decided that it would be great to get back in 2014 and support the race and the city/people of Boston. Although I am not fast enough to qualify for the race myself, I am super excited that I will be there to support every one else!!!

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  3. i love this post - thank you for sharing your feelings with us. i'm so glad you're running next year and you'll get to cross that finish line!

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  4. I think that's amazing you're doing it again, thanks for being so open and sharing this! :)

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  5. This is a fantastic post. I'll be cheering you on from Atlanta!

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  6. I can't wait for you to cross that finish line! I'll be cheering you on from Chicago. :-)

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    1. Thanks girl! It means a lot to me :)

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  7. Always thinking of the Boston marathon ... So proud of you, this little blogger I don't know. Looking forward to reading about your journey, as I'm beginning the running process myself. Love, the girl obsessed with the Longchamp bags from Canada, Caitlin :)

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    1. Thank you Caitlin! Let me know if you have any questions about running!

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  8. So very proud of you xxx Can't wait to finally be there this year and cheer you on!
    ps. do NOT feel disappointed in yourself.

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    1. Can't wait to see you + Matt in the crowds!!!

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  9. I absolutely applaud you on deciding to run again! As a bystander who, for many years, watched my brother run the race at the finish line I AM scared to be there next year. I was not there this year to watch but I know I will be next year. I don't want to be scared and I don't think that another attack will take place, but as someone who has been in the same spot where the explosions went off while watching the race, I feel really nervous about being there!

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Oh, herro there.

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