on sadness

it's been a really tough few weeks here. i don't mean personally, but i do mean personally. with all the things currently happening in america, it's hard to not feel like there's a weight sitting on my shoulders. that we're not doing enough. that things are bleak.

it feels all too much. with everything that's happening in regard to sexual assault and brock turner and people denying that rape culture exists, my heart is so heavy. it feels so futile to try to champion the end of rape culture when i write something like this on facebook:

"Rape culture is real and it's present and if you refuse to acknowledge it, you're perpetuating it. I shouldn't constantly be on high alert with my keys prepared like a dagger when I walk around at night. I shouldn't have had to take self-defense classes as an 18-year-old if men weren't also being educated on how to NOT sexually assault their peers. The answer isn't addressing binge drinking on campuses (that's something different entirely). It's about teaching our youth to respect women and treat them as human beings at ALL times."

and someone (a woman!) comments back that they don't agree that rape culture is a thing. mostly because they don't understand, but my GOD it pains my soul. and it leaves me wondering, what's the point? why do i spend the time trying to educate people if they don't want to see the truth?

and then more senseless gun crimes. to big senseless gun crimes. to the biggest mass shooting in US history. and yet, i see all over my facebook feed and twitter timeline that we don't have a gun control problem in this country. that it's this and it's that and let's blame this person and that person and HOW ABOUT WE ALL JUST TAKE SOME BLAME. some blame that we've allowed ourselves to continue living in a culture that allows so much hate. that allows easy access to firearms. that keeps its activism to a few facebook statuses and tweets asking for prayers.

it's enough to just break a girl. it wasn't that long ago that i wrote this post, and everything i said then stands now. let's stop praying for it to end, and actually doing something. call someone. write someone. do something nice for someone. anything.

i'm tired of being sad. and i hope you are too. and i hope together we do something to end this sadness.

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Oh, herro there.

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